Things I Say to My Cat Several Times Every Day

1. Did you poop in there?
2. Are you a “Mister Man”?
3. Speaking as Cat:I need two hue-mons.
4. I’m not going in the basement.
5. Come cuddle with me.
6. Stop yelling at me.
7. Speaking as Cat: Hue-mon, I need that fish.
8. Speaking as Cat: Hue-mons don’t do the things.
9. Speaking as Cat: I could murder you a little bit.
10. Singing to the Cat: You are fierce. / You are tough. / Doing things. / Killing stuff.
11. As Cat Bites and Gnaws My Arm: I thought we were friends!
12. Are you a “Buster Brown”? [My cat is white.]
13. Do you want to go in the sump pump?
14. Do you want to drink that squirrel?
15. Speaking as Cat: I’m gonna lick that spinach.
16. Speaking as Cat: I’m gonna get this water a little bit.
17. I’m not going to turn the TV on! [Translation: I will not open the front door.]
18. Such a buddy. Was that good dinner?
19. Such a friend.
20. Speaking as Cat: I need to put this humon to bed.